Me. Myself, and I

     I used to love questionaires as a kid.

     Favorite color. Height. Birthday.

     Is my favorite food me?

     I don't know.  I never really thought so.  Maybe I just didn't know myself.  Maybe I just don't know myself. 

     If you really knew me, would you think I was Indian food? Or the color blue? Or white water rafting?

     If you really knew me, you wouldn't have to answer.

     If you really knew me, you'd know that I don't wear matching socks. And that I can't eat just one pistachio. And that hearing my own voice makes me self conscious.  If you really knew me, you'd know that I like feeding ducks and flying kites and I think for things so cliche we don't do them enough.

     If you really knew me, you'd know that I don't like awkward howdoyoudos and I fail at small talk, usually avoiding it altogether.  You'd know that I'm really not that shy, just unsure what I could say that will make people listen.

     If you really knew me, you'd know I love to laugh.

     If you really knew me, you'd know I have more regrets than I can count. You'd know that I hate violence.  You'd know I don't believe in astrology, but I'm such a Libra.

     If you really knew me, you'd know that I found out I had synesthesia last year and it turned my world upside down.

     If you really knew me, you'd know that I stayed up all night last week to see a meteor shower.  You'd know that I love summer storms and seeing people's opinions.

     If you really knew me, you'd know that I love my memories, even the bad ones, and I'm afraid of forgetting when I'm old with one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel, that somehow I'll lose them before I make it to wherever we end up after we die, that somehow I'll forget who I really am.

     If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm still discovering myself.